


Click Clack the Rattle Bag

by mad_hatter_9306



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Click-Clack the Rattle Bag, M/M, Song: Turn The Lights Off (Tally Hall), and i just figured, flashbacks!, grammar or something, it was fun, it's a spooky short story by Neil Gaiman, that's not a tag but i figured it should all be capitalized, we read it in Language Arts, why not write a gaiman crossover for halloween?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:55:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27286024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mad_hatter_9306/pseuds/mad_hatter_9306
Summary: Something's... off. Crowley can't quite put his finger on it, but something's not quite right.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Click Clack the Rattle Bag

**Author's Note:**

> yo. here i am, on (the day before) halloween, writing my first good omens fanfic.
> 
> so anyways, in language arts the other day, we read a spooky short story by Neil Gaiman, who also, of course, helped write good omens. the short story is called "click-clack the rattle bag," it's really well written (it is neil gaiman after all), and if you're looking for a scare... it's a good one for that.
> 
> so then i thought, "why not do a gaiman crossover thingamajig? with this spooky bit and good omens?"
> 
> but i didnt have any ideas, so i noted the idea down and put it aside.
> 
> then fast forward to about an hour ago (as of me writing this, not you seeing this). i was listening to tally hall, they're my new favorite band. then one song came on called "turn the lights off." it's kinda creepy, kinda spooky, perfect for halloween! and it inspired me to write this crossover whatchamadoodle.
> 
> and now here we are. enjoy, and have a happy halloween people!
> 
> ooh, yeah, btw. ive read the book, havent seen the show (yet), read plenty of fanfic. doin my best here.

Something was... off. Crowley couldn't quite put his finger on it, but there was something fundamentally not right happening.

Then again, he got that feeling every year around Halloween. All the costumes, decorations, all of it. The modern holiday was very different from what it used to be. Crowley brushed it off and slipped behind the wheel of his Bentley.

Aziraphale got in next to him. They chatted easily as Crowley drove, the car ride passing quickly. At one point or another, their young friends, the Them, had come up. Adam had told the angel and demon about a story he had read in class that day in preparation for Halloween.

* * *

_"It was called Click Clack the Rattle Bag," said Adam. "It's by a fellow called Neil Gaiman. It's about a little boy--"_

_"How old's the boy?" Pepper interrupted._

"I _don't know. Younger than us. Anyways, it's about a little boy and his sister's boyfriend. The sister is gone, so it's just the boy and the boyfriend."_

_"What're their names?"_

_"It never said. Stop interrupting! Anyways, the boy asks the boyfriend to put him to bed. The boyfriend asks, 'Do you really need me to?' And the boy thinks about it and decides 'Yes, I do need you to." So they start walking towards the little boy's room. And the little boy holds the boyfriend's hand, 'cuz he's scared. And the boyfriend calls the little boy prec- preco--"_

_"Precocious?" Aziraphale suggested._

_"Yeah, that. But he just says it in his head. And then the boy starts telling him about click-clacks."_

_"What're click-clacks?"_

_"I was getting to that! Click-clacks are scary monsters who drink you up--"_

_"Like a coke?"_

_"That's what the boyfriend said. But the little boy says it's not like a coke, because coke is really bad for your teeth. He told the boyfriend how if you put a tooth in coke at night, it'll be totally gone by morning."_

_Pepper scoffed. "Everyone knows that's not true."_

_"Yeah, the boyfriend said that, too. But he said it in his head again. Anyways, the boy told him how click-clacks melt your insides and then suck you up through your eye sockets."_

_"Eurgh."_

_"Gross."_

_"That's disgusting." Wensleydale had been quiet up to this point, but now he felt he had to add something._

_"That's what everyone in my class said when my teacher read that part. So, then, the boy tells the boyfriend how the click-clacks hang up the empty skin and bones and let them rattle in the wind, and how they make clicking and clacking noises. Then the boyfriend hears clicks and clacks, and tries to run, but the boy won't let him." Adam sat quietly after thiss._

_The Them leaned forward expectantly. "Yeah?" Brian prompted. "What comes next?"_

_"Nothing. That's it."_

_"Oh." The four kids, one angel, and one demon sat in silence after the story._

* * *

Conversation slowed to a stop as Crowley and Aziraphale remembered the afternoon. Aziraphale repressed a shudder at the eerie story. With fake cheerfulness, he said, "Well! Let's have some music!"

"Yeah, sure, Angel. Put something in." Crowley seemed distracted. Aziraphale poked through the collection, finally pulling out one he hadn't seen before. "Tally Hall," he read.

Crowley glanced over. "Had that since... '04? '05? It'll be practically unrecognizable." Aziraphale slipped it in and pressed play anyways. Music drifted from the player.

_"Don't go in there,_

_You'll become one,_

_Freaky creatures_

_Monster party..."_

The song continued, but Crowley narrowed his eyes at the player. It shouldn't sound like that. That was the original. Something was _definitely_ off.

* * *

_After a few moments of silence, Pepper asked, "What do these click-clacks look like?"_

_"The little boy said it always looked like what you'd least expect. Really, it could be anything. A tree, a rock. A car. One of us."_

* * *

Crowley eased off the gas. The car didn't slow down. He pressed the brake a bit. The car kept on at nearly a hundred kilometers per hour. He tried turning the steering wheel. No response. "Angel..."

"Yes, dear?"

"I... I can't stop the car."

"Are you sure you're pressing the right pedal?"

"Of course I'm sure! The damn thing won't stop!"

"...At least it's staying in the right lane?"

"... _Everybody likes to get taken for turns_

_To see how bright the fire inside of us burns_

_And everybody wants to get evil tonight_

_But all good devils masquerade under the light..."_

"Aziraphale, something's wrong!"

"I can tell, Crowley!"

The car hurtled through London. It stopped abruptly outside of Aziraphale's bookshop. The music stopped suddenly. In the silence, all they could hear was their breathing and their terrified heartbeats.

Crowley tried to open his door. To his surprise, it opened easily. He flung it open and leapt out. "Angel, get out of the car!" Aziraphale did as he was told, following Crowley in a frantic scramble for the bookshop. They slammed the door shut and sagged against it. Crowley heaved a sigh of relief.

Then, from behind a bookshelf, around a corner, just out of view, another sound broke the silence.

_Click. Clack. Click. Clack._

**Author's Note:**

> *determinedly does NOT think about how a neil gaiman story can fit inside of a neil gaiman story like this* *determinedly fakes way through a scene in a bentley despite barely knowing what a bentley looks like* *ends story on a frankly terrifying note*
> 
> so, how'd you like it? i had fun writing this, it was good.
> 
> have a spooky halloween y'all!


End file.
